Resources · Self-practice handout · Attachment repair
Ideal Parent Figures, on your own
A guided imagery practice for building an inner sense of secure attachment. You imagine being a child with parents who are exactly right for you, and you let your body take in what that feels like.
Adapted from the Ideal Parent Figure (IPF) protocol of Daniel P. Brown, PhD, and David S. Elliott, PhD, in Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for Comprehensive Repair (Norton, 2016).
01
Why this works
Brown and Elliott found that secure attachment grows from five recurring experiences in childhood. If those were missing, the nervous system never had a template for them. Imagery that is vivid and felt in the body can lay down a new template, the way a repeated real experience would. You are not rewriting the past or replacing your real parents. You are giving your system a direct, repeated taste of what security feels like, so it can recognize and organize around it.
Key features of the method:
- The figures are not your actual parents. They are new figures, imagined to fit you exactly.
- Let the images arise on their own. Don’t design them. Notice who shows up.
- The body is the point. The image matters less than the felt sense it produces. Stay with the sensation.
- Repetition matters more than intensity. Short, frequent sessions build the template.
02
Before you start alone
Before you start alone. In the original method, IPF is guided by a trained therapist who adjusts the wording in real time. Practicing alone works best if you already have some ability to stay present with feelings. If you have a history of severe trauma, frequent dissociation, or get flooded easily, do this with a therapist first. If you feel overwhelmed, numb, or unreal at any point, open your eyes, look around the room, feel your feet, and stop for today.
03
Setup
- Time: 10–20 minutes. Daily or several times a week works better than one long session.
- Place: somewhere private where you won’t be interrupted. Sit or lie comfortably.
- Optional: record yourself reading the script below slowly, with long pauses, and play it back. This frees you from reading.
- Before you begin: rate your felt sense of security (0–10). You’ll log it at the end.
04
The practice
Read each line, close your eyes, and give it 30–90 seconds. Italic lines are the words to say to yourself.
Settle
Take a few slow breaths. Let your body be supported by what you’re sitting or lying on. Notice the general feeling in your body without changing it.
Become a child
Imagine yourself as a young child. Any age that comes is fine.
You don’t need to see yourself clearly. A sense of being small is enough.
Invite the ideal parents
Imagine being with parents, not your own, but different parents who are ideally suited to you. Parents who are exactly what you need.
Let whatever arises arise. They might be clear figures, a vague presence, a quality, a warmth. They can be one parent or two, any gender, any appearance. If your real parents appear, see the note under Troubleshooting.
Move through the five conditions
Pick one or two conditions per session from the section below, or move through all five slowly. For each, imagine how these parents would be with you, and how they would show it.
Feel it in the body
Notice what it feels like in your body to be with parents like this.
Where do you feel it? Chest, belly, face, breath, shoulders? Warmth, settling, openness, lightness?
Amplify and stay
Let that feeling grow. Let it spread through your whole body. Stay with it.
This step is where most of the change happens. Linger here longer than feels necessary.
Let it become yours
Notice that this feeling is in you now. It can be here, and it can grow.
Close and return
Thank the figures if that feels natural. Take a few breaths, open your eyes, look around the room, and feel your feet on the floor. Rate your felt security again and fill in the log below.
05
The five conditions
These are the five experiences Brown and Elliott identified as the foundation of secure attachment. Use the italic prompts in step 4.
1 · Safety
Feeling safe and protected
These parents keep you safe. They protect you. Nothing gets to you that you can’t handle.
Notice how they would protect you, and how your body responds to being protected.
2 · Attunement
Feeling seen and known
These parents know exactly what you’re feeling and what you need, often before you say it.
Notice how they show they understand. A look, a word, the right response at the right time.
3 · Soothing
Being comforted when upset
When you’re upset, these parents comfort you in exactly the way that works for you, until you feel settled again.
You can imagine a small upset first, then let them soothe you through it.
4 · Delight
Being delighted in
These parents delight in you. Just as you are. Their faces light up when they see you.
Not for anything you’ve done. For being you.
5 · Support for best self
Being encouraged to become who you are
These parents support you in becoming your best self. They encourage what you’re drawn to and believe in you as you grow.
Notice what they encourage, and what it feels like to be backed this way.
06
Troubleshooting
- Nothing comes, or the images are vague.
- That’s common at the start. A felt sense of presence is enough. Keep asking yourself, “If they were here, what would it feel like?” and stay with the body.
- My actual parents keep showing up.
- Acknowledge them, then gently set them aside: “Not my actual parents. Different parents, ideally suited to me.” You may need to do this many times early on. It does not mean the practice is failing.
- The figures turn critical, distant, or frightening.
- Change the figures. Let new ones come who would never treat you that way. The rule is that ideal parents are always ideal for you. If this keeps happening or feels distressing, bring it to a therapist.
- Grief or sadness comes up.
- This is a natural response to feeling what you missed. Let it be there, and keep the figures present with you while you feel it. Let them comfort you through it. Stop if it becomes overwhelming.
- It feels fake, or a part of me rejects it.
- Skepticism is fine. You don’t have to believe it. Just notice whether anything shifts in the body, even slightly. Small shifts count.
- I go numb, spacey, or lose track of where I am.
- Stop. Open your eyes, name five things you can see, and feel your feet. This is a signal to do this practice with a therapist rather than alone.
07
Practice log
Fill in after each session. What you type is kept only in this browser on this device.
08
About the originator
Daniel P. Brown, PhD
Daniel Brown was a clinical psychologist and an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychology at Harvard Medical School, where he taught for nearly four decades. He was a leading figure in clinical hypnosis and in trauma and memory research. His forensic work on traumatic memory earned the 1999 Guttmacher Award from the American Psychiatric Association.
He was also a longtime practitioner and teacher of Indo-Tibetan Buddhist meditation, studying for decades with Tibetan lamas, and wrote Pointing Out the Great Way, a detailed map of the stages of Mahamudra meditation. That background shaped the Ideal Parent Figure method: it uses focused, felt imagery much as contemplative practice does, in the service of attachment repair.
With David S. Elliott, he developed the Three Pillars model for treating attachment disturbances, of which IPF imagery is the first pillar. Their 2016 book received the 2018 Pierre Janet Writing Award from the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation.
This handout is an educational adaptation for self-practice and is not a substitute for therapy. The Ideal Parent Figure protocol is one of three pillars in Brown and Elliott’s treatment model, alongside metacognitive skill-building and fostering collaborative behavior.
Source: Brown, D. P., & Elliott, D. S. (2016). Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for Comprehensive Repair. W. W. Norton.
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